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I deleted my Facebook account today.

It indeed sounds like an Independence Day. At least, for me. What began as just a means of interacting with friends, slowly turned into an addiction beyond compare. I was, before my eyes, being gripped in the hands of this demon. Slowly, but steadily. I wouldn’t have let go of it even then. But, when addiction turned into envy, I really thought I had to. Now, I am really glad that I did.

I always thought my value system was strong enough to not get involved too much into others’ lives. I thought I’d never look at others doing something and yearn for it myself. I was wrong. Perhaps, it was the idle minded devil that was doing it in me. I try not to shift the blame onto other things. It was me; not something else.

The final straw was this. The husband had posted one of his younger days’ photos and tagged a bunch of people. The first thought that came to me was, ‘Why am I not being tagged?’ If I had had a sane mind, I would’ve easily guessed that I was never a part of his childhood and need not, or rather, should not be tagged. But no.. Idle mind, devil’s workshop and all that jazz. I asked the husband about it; he gave me the reason and also, tagged me ‘cos I wanted to. There.. I felt like an idiot already.

But, what was the trigger? A lot of things. Rather, a lot of pictures. Vacations. Food. Kids. Parties. Looking at them, instead of making me happy, made me nervous. I started criticizing every picture that came up on my timeline. ‘This girl.. She has nothing else to do except go on vacations?’ ‘Why would someone put the pic of sesame rice on FB?’ ‘Look at that.. The picture of an idol has got close to a 100 likes?’ To be honest to my own self, this was so unlike me. I started wondering if I’d gone too much into the clutches of this devil.

Until a month or so ago, I was but a passive member of Facebook. Never updated statuses. Posted pictures once in a while. Didn’t wish friends on their birthdays. Facebook was just a like a fridge that I’d open every now and then to see if there is something, when I was bored. But something changed in the recent past. I slowly became active on FB. I wanted to show ‘my’ people that I exist too. In that quest, I started posting a lot of articles that I read. Well.. But, none of them were ‘liked’ as much as I thought it would. Which made me criticize my audience for no fault of theirs. It doesn’t mean what I like should be liked by others too, does it? But yeah, again, the devil was at his emphatic best.

Once I became active, I just couldn’t get back to my subdued self. I yearned to be heard ‘liked’! Truth be told, I didn’t like one bit of myself.  I always had this notion. ‘Having a tempting thing in front of you and abstaining from it is more fulfilling than not having it at all!’ Now, I was not looking for fulfillment; I was looking for salvation. And, finally, I took the plunge.

I deleted my Facebook account today.

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