Rule 1 – If you are going for a lunch buffet, skip the previous night’s dinner and the day’s breakfast. If it’s a dinner buffet, simply fast through out the day. Okay.. Concession. You are allowed to have a juice or a cup of coffee in the afternoon. But, only one cup, okay?
Rule 2 – Wear loose clothes. Particularly, the stomach region should be free. You can wear one of your pants that is loose enough to fall off and use a belt until the entrance of the buffet hall and then remove the belt to accommodate the food.
Rule 3 – If you are going to a restaurant which has awesome starters, like may be, Babu Ganesan.. What, you don’t know Babu Ganesan? That is Barbeque Nation, Gaptun style! (Oru FB meme-lendhu suttuten!) Where was I? Well, if you are going to a place like Babu Ganesan, make sure you skip one extra meal just for the starters.
Rule 4 – Never go have a look at the food ensemble before starting to eat. If you do, then you’d not know what’s coming next and might end up under eating. If you really want to do a ‘full kattu’, then eat with that surprise element intact.
Rule 5 – If you want to embarrass yourself, eat less. Or in other words, when you are eating at a buffet, behave like a glutton; even if you aren’t one, just fake it. Otherwise, the waiter will force feed you. ‘It is okay if you don’t want to have the entire pot of Biriyani madam, but a dozen spoonfuls won’t hurt, will it?’ Be aware of these waiters around you; your hands and mouth will act accordingly.
Rule 6 – Do not, I repeat, do not let go of the ice cream, the chocolate fountain and the brownies, come what may. What’s the point of eating at a buffet when you skip these delicacies? You’ve heard of this story wherein a glass full of pebbles and sand that can still accommodate water, right? In your mind, keep equating the desserts to water. After all, what’s in the mind gets translated into actions.
Rule 7 – Very important rule. As soon as you enter the buffet wall, blank your mind out of ugly terms such as diet, gym, calories and such. Remember, only in a buffet, you get to walk, along with eating, which should be considered exercising by itself. You walk to the soup counter and then, relish your soup sitting down. Then, you again walk to the chat/starter counter and get your food to sit down and savour. Again, you get up and walk to get your main course. These are called ‘sit ups’. You sit, eat and you are up. Sit-ups.
Rule 8 – Because of all the rigour you underwent during the buffet, get back home and have a nap. That’ll refresh you for the next round of fasting and feasting.
Enjoy. Peace out. After all, like a great man once said, ‘there is no sincerer love than the love for food.’