Yesterday morning, I was feeling really low. It could be because of the really bad cold that I got from somewhere. Or may be, because of the heat here in Madras. Whatever be the reason, the end result was that I snapped at my Amma for nothing at all. She didn’t utter a word but just continued with her duties. I slowly realized my mistake and apologized to her. I told her it could be because I feel guilty staying here and make all and sundry work for us. Particularly, her. There’s no househelp here and my Amma does most of the work. Apart from the occasional pathram cleaning, I just put my hands and feet up and relax. She is perfectly okay with it and asks me to continue reading my book. But, there are times, when I feel real guilty for putting her through so much stress. Like yesterday.
When I told her this, she looked at me and quite as expected, her right palm immediately met her face. I knew she was mocking me. You have two five year old kids now but you are still a kid. You haven’t changed a bit. It is only until I am alive that you can come here and stay happily. Do I have any place to go now? Will someone feel guilty about staying in their mom’s places? Stop being like this and go read your book. And, she went back to make the thengai burfi that I’d told was nice the last time she made just ten days ago.
Tears started rolling down my eyes. I am one specimen who cannot show any emotion without tearing up. Happiness. Sadness. Love. Anger. Everything needs to be accompanied by tears. I wanted to go hug her but I know she would look at me surprised. So, I just sent up a prayer asking for strength to deal with the life without her, whenever it comes. Hopefully, not in the near future.
Everyone of us in this world have such feelings for our mom. Today’s song is a dedication to all the wonderful selfless mums out there in this world.
Uyirum neeye from Pavithra. Is it Rahman’s tune? Or, Unni Krishnan’s voice? Or is it Vairamuthu’s lyrics? What makes this song beautiful? Isn’t it the emotional connect that this song brings which makes us cry every time we listen to it.
Vinnai Padaithaan Mannai Padaithaan
Kaatrum Mazhaiyum Oliyum Padaithaan
Boomikku Athanaal Nimmathi Illai